Good News, Bad News

The good news is I canceled my subscription. The bad news is that the website will remain up until September, So I’m just going to list all things all you little data collectors got wrong.

  1. I do not smoke cigarettes. I haven’t since I was in my 30’s. I don’t vape either.

  2. I do not gamble. I’ve dropped people off and met people at the casino but I am not personally dumb enough to waste money in such a foolish way.

  3. I do not drink hard liquor. It’s never been my thing. I don’t like the hangovers. I barely ever drink alcohol now and with good reason, alcohol IS poison. It destroys the body & the mind.

  4. I don’t like anything “redneck” or “country”. I hate southern culture with a passion. Cajun boiled peanuts are the only thing these people ever got right. Everything else: the racism, the religiosity, the anti-intellectualism, is pure crass stupidity. Every time a hurricane wipes out a southern community, God has done the world a huge favor.

  5. I am transitioning to a bald man but it’s okay. I was more upset about the ugly haircuts I kept getting than I am about this change. I’m not embarrassed or ashamed of getting older or any of the biological processes that it entails. There are plenty of bald men out there that are considered sexy and highly masculine. In fact, going bald is one of the most masculine things that can happen to a man. Taking pills that make your dick soft because you can’t admit you’re going bald is one weakest, most bitch-ass things a person can do. The only thing that is worse is those weak little bitches who get fake hair glued to their scalps. That’s definitely causing a lot of damage and most likely causing more hair loss. Be a fucking man. Men go bald. It’s a normal effect of testosterone. Little boys and women have heads of lush, thick hair. Men go bald. I’m not upset about it anymore because I just started shaving my head. I would go to a barber but those assholes won’t give me a nice-looking fade like I ask. They insist on forcing combovers on me that neither look good nor conceal my thinning hair. So now I get to save $40 every six weeks by not going to a barber and doing it myself. I get to be more masculine and a little wealthier. Thank you Jesus for my bald head.

But probably the thing all you marketing geniuses and social engineers got the most wrong is that you think I’m some kind of bitch. You think if you have some young woman, or effeminate-sounding man call me up on the phone and interrupt me while I am speaking, that I will lay down and roll over like some little bitch waiting to get fucked. I am not that fucking weak or stupid. Do me a favor, lose my number. Actually, do yourself a favor and don’t call me again. Because I’ve just gotten started. You think I was nasty the other day when you people called me? All I got to say is try that shit again because that’s me at about a 6 or a 7 and I can crank it all the way up to 11. So try me, I dare you. You fucking lowlifes.

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